Nightsickness(2004)

There is a thing I get some evenings, and it's called night sickness. As my closest friends know, I like stuff. I like clothes and shoes, bags, hats. I like food, I like cities and mountains. I could even go as far as to say I like this horrid unfair world.
But it gets to a certain time, usually after I have spent all my money on something or other and I start to think "What's the bloody point?". My head runs through with all these thoughts, mostly saying something along the lines of " I am going to die, this is a temporary existence, I will mean nothing, I might as well wear crap clothes and live in a caravan like that women from the anthology. I don't need to work my whole life for money, I don't need food, I might as well just die now". And the only way to cure these thoughts is by hitting myself on the head and declaring I am stupid.
But ultimately, I'm not. I am right. Why am I sitting here writing this when I could be busy dead? I suppose humans have it built into their heads clear definitions on what makes us happy and what makes us sad. Humans also feel they have the right to always be happy and when bad things happen then it isn't fair. Yet who said that? No-one ever said that life was meant to be easy. It's like the whole concept of pain. Pain is just a human emotion that we choose to compute. If we pretend it is something else, it could be something else.
Sometimes I feel like having a child and keeping it away from all other people and contact with the outside world and changing the rules. I will teach it that red is now green (as far as the child is concerned, the colour green has always been what we would call red) and tell it nothing of pain. I will call a table a telephone and say odd words. This is, however, a very cruel thing to do, and I certainly would be in deep trouble if I did this, but it is easy to see how all these things, these emotions, were just hearsay, passed on from generation to generation. We invented money. We invented war. And we also invented religion.
This is less of the revolutionary statement it used to be. Now this is my own opinion, and we could argue for a bloody long time about the existence of God or some other magician, but inventing God was a brilliant way of explaining the unexplainable. Now say you broke a cup, and shards of glass shattered all over the floor, and someone asks you who did that, and you make someone up. No-one has ever seen this person, no-one ever will. Let us call him Boo. Now Boo isn't seen but everyone believes it was him who broke the cup, and you have got yourself out of a big hole and don't have to explain yourself to your scary wife, mother etc. But now your wife and/or mother would be pretty stupid in believing in something that they have never seen and have to rely on what you say. In real life, if your husband or son etc said that to you, you'd tell him he was a jackass and make him pay. This is similar to a belief in God. Yet this is a normal "rational" belief in modern society. Insanity is everywhere I say.