Coffee-o-phobia (2004)

or

How Morellis bored me to insanity


"I really hate Morellis today. I think it is just because I was shouted at by some idiot who things that because he is about 20 years older than me by age, that means he is far mentally superior. Bullshit. Today I rung in two sundaes, because thats what the guy had. Then Jimmy the uphisownarse foreign guy pushed down on my looming finger and rung in a third which then had to be taken off again. I was right he was wrong. Tosser. After that he got an attitude with me all day when I told him off jokingly. Seems it is OK to joke on his terms. £3.30 an hour is rubbish too for the amout of work. The boss has mild fits, the other is far too stingy. Lots of people have remarked how they would like a job there..no, no you don't. All of a sudden I love my school. I miss it so much. "

Later: Ok, so a few weeks have passed since then and things at work are a little better but only due to the fact I only work one day a week now. Also myself and my childhood friend Paul, along with Martin, have found amusing ways to pass the time.1) Collecting the paper decorations that are put in the big ice creams, and in the cause of Martin, putting them on your death trap of a bike with no brakes. At least he dies with monkey coverted,
2) Throwing things at customers and seeing if they notice
3) Whipping each other with the tea-towels in a perverted way
4) Laughing at Will
5) Laughing at the boss and the stupid things he said like "don't lean", " That's it", " Ummm...*looks around, tumble-weed goes by* Martin, can you get me half a turn of good mix?". Then after lauging mocking these 365 days a year
6) Calling each other "a ------------- (descriptive word) mofo", i.e sexy, stupid, ugly, monkey etc.
7) Calling the boss immature for having a water pistol and conkers
8) Making catapults out of elastic bands
9) Daring tricks of throwing spoons into the container in interesting and death defying ways. Double back flip a favourite ( the spoon does this not us)
10) Reminising about the people at Primary school with Paul
11) Eating the leftovers and stealing "illegal" drinks from the dispenser.
12) Using the plunger (a kirsty favourite)
13) Watching the clock
14) Squashing paninis
15) Forgetting who the food is for
16) Being the "scubber"
17) Pretending to dry up
18) Acctually doing any work (0.1% of the time)

Unfortunately such merriment is only available when I manage to stay in the kitchen for more that 10 seconds when I am stuffing Flake in my mouth. Chris, my boss, seems to think that Kirstylyn does infact love scooping ice cream so much that he puts me "down the window end" all day from 11 to 6. This place is the furthest away from kitchen fun and the only communication I get with Paul and Martin is when they say "Hullo" when putting a cup back. Martin is eternally scared of the ice cream end when one day under my apprenticeship he managed to know other a whole rack of about 30 cones, which smashed into a million pieces. He has not been back since. This week I was a "lucky mofo". I got to be on big ice creams which is quite a cushy job, but not as bitchin as the kitchen. Its quite hard to memorise all the ice cream things but I got the hang of it. The trick is to chuck as much shit in as possible without getting into trouble. On the whippy machine I am allowed to do two rounds and then off, and we charge £1:60. Bare coinage geez. Mr Morellis must take baths in gold, expecially when he pays us hard working souls 3 30. the gay.more laterps: coffee-o-phobia is caused by third degree burns from the coffee machine, it makes you go pretty insane. I have the scars.